The Maltonian Web

Nainotlam (1966 - 1968)

An alternative to the School Magazine

These cheap and cheerful pages were produced on stenograph and banda for the princely sum of 3 pence, in foolscap format, on that soft duplicating paper that tears easily.  They were bound in six volumes, but unfortunately the school archive only has volumes 1, 3 and 6, and some of these have torn pages.  Eddie Lucas has the full set in good condition, and he loaned them to me in 2004.  Some digests are below.

Schoolboy and schoolgirl humour is very much the order of many articles in Nainotlam.  If I describe them as humorous, please read this more as a description of "attempted humour".  Perhaps you need to have been there, or you need to be a certain age, to fully appreciate the jokes.

Volume 1 December 1966 - July 1967

Volume 2 October 1967 - July 1968

December 1966

The first issue has, for some reason, been torn out of the bound folder. All that remains of it is a crossword page - filled in - and the bottom of a page telling us that a Cross Country Club is formed, that House Basketball championships are on January 17th, and Sports Day 27th April (very early!).

January 1967

Is School Uniform Necessary? A slightly chauvinistic article looking for girls to have freedom to reveal more of their feminine charms, and leave "man's shirts and trouser suits" to the men.  The point is made about why long hair should be an issue (for boys, I assume).  Views are welcomed.

Congratulations to Annette Hornsey on selection for North Riding school 2nd XI. A page of horoscopes. 

A letter from Mr Dowding, explaining the boys toilets issue, as well as congratulating students on the production of the Nainotlam.

Letters concern Under 15 football, Speech day, Homework, Boys toilets, and the 6th form society (or lack of it).

A tongue-in-cheek description of Holidays by J.S.

The top ten (i.e. from the pop-charts) has I'm a Believer at Number 1, Matthew and Son, Snoopy and the Red Baron, Night of Fear, Anyway that you want me, Sitting in the Park, Standing in the shadow of love, Hey Joe, Let's Spend the night together and I've been a bad, bad boy. (Artists are named - but I leave them blank as a little quiz for you. When you want them, click here)

A gossip column discusses the Christmas parties.

Classified advertisements appear, mostly jokes - "For Sale, one razor, as new. Apply Mr Wellard." - gives the flavour of the humour.

Mr Martindale puts pen to paper on the subject of mini-skirts


(apologies to Thomas Campion)
I care not for these ladies
With skirts above their knees
Give me the brainy damsel
With clothes to beat the freeze
Trousers frost disdaineth
And legs stay pink not blue
Yet when the wind blows strong
She never taketh harm
And though it snoweth all day long
This girl stays snug and warm.

A crossword completes this second issue 8th page.

February 1967

Dear editor starts with a complaint about the school levy - too much at 30/- per annum.  The editor defends - transport for fixtures, production of the Maltonian, ...

Thanks to Mrs Emmerson for the typing in Nainotlam.
A new badge design is offered by A R Cadamy. (humorous) 
A reply on school uniform (more in favour than against)
C.B. and H.R. respond to Mr Martindale's views on minis.

Who is this who bans our knees?
What do we care for the freeze?
Who cares whether rain or storm
We'll have the boys to keep us warm.
Who cares whether pink or green
God gave us knees, they must be seen.
You like trousers, we do too
But who's to wear them, us or you?
Paris forecasts higher still
Will we wear them? Yes we will.
All your words will be in vain
Emily Pankhurst strikes again.
She's the one who gave us rights
And the mini's reach their heights
We've got the mini car and bus
So please don't let us have a fuss
Even in a sack we'd flirt
Then why not in a mini skirt?

Ten commandments for the library (P.J.C.). (humorous)

The weather forecast (humour - a description of school rooms in meteorological terms)

Aunty Maggie's problem page (humourous)

Adverts include Sundella, Bolero Coffee Bar, Hornsey & Co.,
Burns-Wilson enterprises, Maureen Hair styles ("perms from 35/-, shampoo and set 7/6").

2 pages of sports reports, includes an advert for a 15 mile practice walk for the Lyke Wake Walk, which is beginning to attract interest in the school - "the Great Expedition"

Student teacher I Chadderton gives a view of the school

May 1967


(although the header says Mar 67).  Congratulations to David Hopper on being appointed Head Boy.  However, the lower sixth wonder if the office is really necessary - "neither seem to be called upon to do very much" - "three cheers in assembly on the last day of term ...and  a vote of thanks on speech day".  Every year should have its opportunity to provide a Head Boy and Girl - a comment on the situation when Head Boy or Girl stay on for a third year (Anthony Kirby, Philip Lonsdale), and retain the position.  Finally they wonder if prefects are ever consulted on the appointments.  "We realise that this appointment must be made by the Headmaster, ... but ... we know our fellow pupils much better, ... and could offer valuable advice."  [Note from STF: When Head Boy and Girl were reintroduced in 2001, they were elected by their year group and staff, not appointed].  Mr Taylor replies - teh positions are more about setting an example than carrying out tasks.  He feels "an outside choice is wiser than entering on the dangerous field of personalities, where one's own classmates are concerned." 

Letters include the school levy again - explanation of where it goes include The Maltonian £66, Games Travel £120, refreshments £65, transport to and from Malton of players £20, with an annual deficit of £51.  Also a prefect's views on the Junior school cap, private study (boys in 3A have a private study lesson ), why sports day was so early, and a defence of smokers.

A verse on Harold Wilson and Backward Labour is accompanied by an anonymous satirical Harold Wilson Memorial Fund column.

A Junior page has a quiz, a dubious magic trick to put nuts into your ear, and a joke "What is big and red and eats rocks?" Answer - a big red rock-eater. 

Two cartoons, a Brain Drain puzzle, and advert for R B England motoring school, and three pages of sports reports. A mixed doubles tennis tournament is planned "as well as a Girls singles".

June 1967

A description of V S O starts this issue. Ian Watson had given a talk on work in Sarawak.

Richard Heath (2B) was knocked down by a bus - but is alright.  A warning to others. Road Safety and Tufty Clubs.

Letters start with "Comprehensive - yes or no".  P Fearn considers advantages and disadvantages.  Could more use be made of Room 8 as a stage. More on smoking. School dances. Towels in the Boys' toilets.  Book of the week club.

Becoming a vegetarian by G.E.M. advises against this route.

The 25 mile practice walk for the Lyke Wake Walk started at school, went through the town, along the river, Huttons Ambo, Swinton Grange, Broughton and the Plantations.

A note about drug taking at M.G.S. appears, written by "Judy", but turns out to be a humorous offering on the issue of a Senior Master pushing polo-taking. 

Dem Bones Dem Bones by Joan xxxx is the first in a series about Unusual Hobbies. 

R B England offers a page of advice on driving.  S.S. offers a more humorous half page description.

The crossword is elevated to Prize Cash status - 2/6d to the winner.

The polticial comment is on the Common Market debate.

The Junior page has a History exam, and puzzles.

Droodles appear - cartoons representing phrases.

A page of sports reports.

July 1967

The editorial notes that the magazine has been selling "never less than 230 copies". It has been a success.  Thanks to many are offered, including Mr Pay who has taken over much of the typing from Mrs Emmerson.

At last, on Thursday 29th July, the Lyke Wake Walk takes place, with forty senior pupils and staff. The Pennine Way 1968 is in sight.  A dirger's diary is printed - 1.45 a.m. start from Middlecave Road, finishing at 8.00pm

Those completing the walk were C Bielby, N Bielby, D Brewer, J Burn, P Calvert, B Dunning, M Emmerson, P Fearn, R Featherstone, P Gaskell, M Geldard, N Hayton, A Hornett, M Jay, D Low, R Nendick, J Noble, M Sanderson, A Stainsby, C Taylor, C Whelan.

Janet Haywood, Marion Lowe, Jill Makins, Susan Pearson, Carol Robson, Andrea Skinner, Elizabeth Smith, Lynda Smith, Susan Smith, Elizabeth Thorp, Susan Welburn, Jill Warrick, Rosy Ware, Miss Fricker.  Messrs Lucas, Makins, Martindale, Mason, Pay.

More on the school levy, with a comparison against ten other schools showing MGS to be rather excessive.

More political comment from D.T.  Junior gossip.

A page on "George" by J.B.G. (Mr Greaves?) remembers a school friend.

Stock taking offers a count of 325 lightbulbs in school, 15 not working. 75 pictures. 1048 drawing pins in use - with two missing from the top left hand and bottom right hand corners of the fourth notice down on the notice board.<>

A measured comment on The Stones drug case - Keith Richard and Mick Jagger - by D A Low.

Half a page for Juniors, and another Cash Prize crossword. Some cartoons with Op.

Part II of Mr England's advice for would be drivers. Janet Hayton has been knocked down by a car.

Four pages of sports include a note on The Under 13 cricket XI being undefeated after ten matches.

Congratulations to a number of pupils who were the first to take CSE's at MGS (in Maths).

The indoor pool at Norton has been opened, making swimming all year round possible.

B.R. offers a schoolday memory - The Day that Jelly Hit Top A.