The Maltonian Web

Backstage Chat

Behind the scenes of the school plays there was the hustle and bustle of great activity throughout the week. When everyone arrived for the night performances we struggled into our costumes aided by many ladies-in-waiting. Judith and Mollie were absolutely indispensable; without Mollie the whole set seemed incomplete, while Judith toiled endlessly, dashing from the girls' changing rooms to the boys', fixing the blokes' buckles for their shoes and using endless safety pins to make sure that nothing would or could fall off on centre stage. Anne's ringlets were quite secure on stage, while Joan's bloomers proved to be a great source of amusement. Once everyone was geared up, the boys' changing rooms were inundated with the females, where the make-up was plastered on, much to Nigel's disgust. Kirkwood declared he was looking at someone else when he first inspected himself in the mirror after being made-up, but by the end of the week no one was aware of it. Perhaps Mr. Joannidis took advantage of 'slapping' the make-up on Sheila's face! The soldiers' side-burns and moustaches, which were Mr. Pay's pride and joy, were inclined to run with the heat if put on too soon. Once prepared, we all sat around and talked or had a portrait sketched by Mr. Makins. There was much smoking by those whose nerves were wearing out.

First the little yellow ones went on to do their play, then the others bundled on to act their's out. Their comments on the audience ranged from 'great' to 'thick.' A minor crisis arose on Wednesday evening when Sheila decided she had a terrible headache, a sore throat and heavy limbs, which Anne immediately detected as symptoms of 'flu. A sudden fit of consternation on Mr. Joannidis' part brought her a cup of coffee for her throat, a pair of dark glasses from Quango and a bottle of aspirin from Mr. Greaves. With these, and endless throat sweets, the play started rolling. At first there was little response from the audience and Jo suffered a terrible fleeting moment of agony when he thought he had at last mastered 'a flop.' He literally put himself through the wringer during the whole of each performance. He walked up and down as tense as someone waiting for the death sentence. There were demonstrative signs of jubilation when a laugh was heard and handfuls of hair were pulled out with internal screaming, when an expected laugh was not issued forth. Sheila recovered from her attack of 'flu very quickly but Geoff found his voice was going on Thursday and Friday, while Nigel did not feel too great either. In fact Geoffrey arrived on Thursday with a very small voice indeed which made Mr. Joannidis very touchy as he attempted to strangle one member of the cast for showing signs of incredulity, openly admitting himself to be 'nasty and cruel' Throat sweets and cups of coffee were forced down Geoff but to no avail, and on Friday night he wasn't kidding when he said "I've lost my voice: my brain is giddy," but even so he did a marvellous job of it. As he arrived off-stage, Tunes and Polos were forced into his mouth but they had to make a sharpish exit when he had to be back on stage again.

While scenes were acted in front of the curtains, the hurrying and scurrying of Mr. Dowding, Quango and Goey went on behind, changing the scenery and moving the props., Kirkwood industriously counted the number of laughs and titters we got from the audience. Some very snappy changes had to be made backstage as far as the boys were concerned, with Chal. whispering loudly for his JACKET!, while Judith was all the time standing behind him, holding it. In one scene Wiggle had to remove himself, in character, from one side of the stage, whip off his jacket and sword, his pouch of money (which he nearly always forgot to do, causing Mr. Joannidis to leap across the stage with it like a frantic gazelle), dash across the stage, snatch up a scarf and walk calmly on stage again from the opposite side in about 1 min,! Phew! This kind of changing called for split-second timing and earned for the play the praise from Mr Pay of being 'slick.' The response from the audience and probably the acting too, rose from the 'not bad' Wednesday performance, to the hilarious climax of Friday night. We had arranged between ourselves to introduce Mr. Joannidis over the loudspeaker and have him planted on the at the end by Quango. However the mike appeared to be out of order so that Jo. appeared in a somewhat ungainly manner on the stage (caused by a hearty shove from Quango) to receive the thunderous applause which he well deserved. (Incidentally he tells us he's a dentist in his spare time but don't expect any favours), And so, all in all, one at the back had a jolly good time between the nerve-racking moments, and we hope you lot at the front got as much fun out of it as we did.